I wish my penis had an off switch
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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