I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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