Are we in a gay sports bar?
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
