Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize