paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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