I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
