You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
You're a waste of cheezeits
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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