look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
It's shark week go big or go home
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
