Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
