Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
