There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Randomize
