You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
