I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
