Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
