Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
