I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
