dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
