My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize