She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
