Your tits are I can't wait for
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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