honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
