just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
