I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
