They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
false alarm, still single
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
