My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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