I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
