New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Bring me that man meat
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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