never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
