Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
