My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
