i just made my gag reflex go away.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
two words...techno handjob
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
