We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
