Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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