i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
