apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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