didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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