Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
