just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
