The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Randomize
