I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
