Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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