this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
