she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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