thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
