woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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