She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
