I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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