Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Randomize
