and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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