I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
