I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
