As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
