Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
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