my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
