i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
