I am puke
Its about making memories worth repressing
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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