if you like me you must not know who I am
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
