Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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