I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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