my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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