Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
