It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
