See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
