I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
