I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
