you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
