are you so shy because you have an std?
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
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