If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
