He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
cat food counts as protein by the way
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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