Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
