i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
